1st Time In My Entire Life - FAR & AWAY From ......

Thinking of staying away fr parents? Leaving an independent life: decorating yr bedrm/living rm/kitchen, the way u want it to look. Having the freedom of gg out & cmg hm, as or when; with no one to nag at. THINK AGAIN.

I believe this is what most teenagers or perhaps teenagers turning into adulthood today yearn for - FREEDOM...

This was what happened to me & I had my dream come true; only to regret it 10years down the road.

Indeed I had years of exciting & carefree life....to the extent of seeing my family just few times a year...It started just after I rch adulthood (21yrs old), for the next 7/8 yrs....Wow! Tt's a long long time....And to think tt I'v ignored them, almost totally, the ones most important in my life; now tt I know!

Now tt I'm in Japan( probably every other's dream), finally a wish come true???? Far & away fr my family....I now thought I should never have wished upon this.

The 1st one week was fine. I began to feel the importance of being together - all which I have lost for during my adulthood. How much hv I missed? All those years of not with them (family), all those neglects fr me - how much tears hv they shed? How much pain hv I caused?

Sitting here, alone, I began to realise what is PAIN, what it's like to MISS SOMEONE SO DEAR, what it's like to be ALL ALONE. It seems easy to say "just give them a call" - ya, tt's what I did but it feels nothing the same as when I called while I was in Singapore. My few-minutes calls to them releases me of my loneliness but then it sets in again & each time the loneliness probably increases 2/3 times more than before, after the 'bye bye'.

I remembered distinctively one of my calls to dad. It was around 7plus in the evening here (ard 6plus SG time). Dad had just finished his dinner & had just drove out for his daily taxi rounds. He sounded extremely happy tt I called & soon stopped over at the roadside (as he had not put on his ear piece) so tt he could talk to me. I was touched - touched by this small gesture of his. Immediately I could feel the shakiness in my voice, I assured him everything is fine here & tt I will be back in SG soon & of my bf's decision to join his friend's co. in SG. Of course he was thrilled tt I'd be back soon. Though I tried my best to hide my "I-Miss-Them-So-Much", I believed Dad could feel it bcos I felt it in him, through his voice. I know I hv again caused pain in him, in them.

So many times, I wanted so much to tell them "Dad, Mom, Bro, I missed you so much, I love you more than anything else", but I just can't bring myself to say those mushy words. MUSHY - Y do I term these words as mushy? Just becasue it's not common in our culture? Mayb, people will start to appreciate all these mushy words one of this days.

How can I bring my feelings across them? All I could do was to tell my precious niece, whenever I spoke to her, "Nadia, u missed gu gu? Nadia, gu gu miss you". Targeting her was much easier bcos she is just a 2 yr-old little darling. Still @times, when she gave me a YES (tt she missed me), I cld feel her thinking 'why is it tt I dun get to see gu gu nowadays', & it started my 'tap' running again....

Now, after merely 3months of FAR & AWAY from my loved ones, hv I begin to treasure each & every one of them. Nothing is more important than spending time with my loved ones.

If given an opportunity to re-live my life, I would never ever wanna leave them; not even for a
day.

If you think you wanna be independent, heed my advice: There are many ways in seeking for independence & freedom, but some things, once lost, can never be found again.