Thirteen-2-Sixteen Me (Life Journal ~ Part 3)

*Recap. - Life Journal ~ Part 2 was composed way back in Y2006.

The path for many Teenage-period are filled with meaningful activities and fundamental lay-outs into becoming a 'good' adult.

The path for me: was 'outcast' as it is not the norm.

Entering a new school is definitely an excitement for ALL. We never know what to expect and what comes next. We wish for good friends, good teachers, and also good canteen food.

Higher level students are also excited; the guys will be busy looking at 'new-pretty-faces', the gals will be busy 'aiming' at them.

Just like in primary school, I was 'popular' with big eyes, warm smile and smart-looking face - definitely a 'killer'; kill the guys and killed the gals.

Sometimes, being popular doesn't really do any good.

I was in the Pure Science class, considered the best stream in express classes; means tougher subjects like Additional Maths, Elementary Maths, Pure Science in Physics and Chemistry, English Literature, English and Mandarin. My classmates and teachers were good.

Everything went on well until one fine day....

The Sec.3 guy-students made friends with me, the gals were 'red-eyed'. And I knew disaster is coming my way. Soon, barely 6months into my new excitement, I was approached by Sec.2 gals, asking me to 'wait' for them behind the school compound, below a HDB. Innocently and a dare-devil, I abide and 'waited' after school. Minutes after I reached, I saw a big group of gals, few of the Sec. 2's and more from out-of-nowhere, charging towards me. And minutes after they stand in front of me, the group of Sec. 3 gals also walked over (they seem to be 'standing-up' for me). I stood there, speechless, not knowing what to do, and simply answer whatever 'stupid' questions that were put to me then by the Sec.2's group. What went through my mind then? These gals are really 'crazy', they just wanna let me 'know' that they are not to be trifled with and that I should 'watch' my steps. Am I in a drama??

Anyway, 'someone' came to my aid real soon. One of the Sec.3 gal's mobile rang and the call was passed on to those 'outsiders'. Soon after the call was hanged up, the 'outsiders' ordered the Sec.2 gals to leave me alone and they all left. I was stunned. What could have happened? Who was the caller? A saviour? My Hero??

During that growing stage; the vulnerable period, recognition is so important that every minor happening makes a great impact on us. Being as ignorant as a 13-year old would be, I felt 'protected', 'secured', and somehow 'loved'; by whoever that 'helped' me. I was wrong. This innocent naive thought was what later turned out to be a 'mess' of my life.

During the 4years in Secondary school, I started hanging out with the guys and gals (whom I regard as 'saviour'). And eventually 'lost' my good friends. I stopped all ECAs: NPCC and my most favorite sport and well-played NETBALL. I learnt to smoke and picked up all vulgarities, such being the 'norm' for me then, such behaviour being the 'requirements' to stay connected within the 'group'. Did anyone forced me? NO ~ I chose this path (which I regretted much later in life). Luckily for me, I wasn't totally senseless. I continued my studies and did so-so well for my O-levels (but I know I could have done better if I had not wasted those meaningless time with the 'group'). My results; 5 credits out of 7 subjects. I was allocated a place in Seletar Institution, a Pre-University @Upper Thomson Road.

Choosing the wrong path was the 1st mistake I had made. Neglecting my family members and ignoring their feelings was the 2nd worst and unforgiven mistake I had made. Come to think of it, during the 4years, there was so few communication between me and my family. Whatever that comes out from my parents' mouth, to me, was purely 'old-fashioned' and nothing more than against me. I was such a stubborn ass, thinking that everything I did was right and everything they say is meaningless and that they don't understand me ~ what I would now regard as 'S-T-U-P-I-D' and 'N-A-I-V-E'.

The teenage years is really a crucial stage in the growing period; Once rotten - forever rotten.

*If I were given a chance to re-live my teenage years, I would choose the OTHER path - the path without the 'group'.*

"In life we can live out our dreams if we want to - is true.

The one who decides, takes chances, makes choices IS YOU"

What Does LIFE Has For US?

"So much of our time is preparation, so much is routine, and so much retrospect, that the path of each man's genius contracts itself to a very few hours."

We start 'working' hard the moment we enter this world.

We learn through our environment;

We pick up skills along the way;

We fall and bring ourselves up again - all these by our own effort.

We strive to excel in whatever we do;

We strive not to fail our loved ones;

We strive towards recognition and own dreams;

We strive towards a better tomorrow.

 

We slog this much, all for the sake of a 'good' retirement in old age.

But how many of us actually get to enjoy a 'good' retirement?

And what defines a 'good' retirement?
Lots of savings / tip-top health / many children and grandchildren / loving partner / engagement in social activities etc. etc??

 

Can one really have all of above and does having all of above truly promises a 'good' retirement?

Shouldn't we start making our life meaningful, for THIS Moment?

 

Work and achieve for NOW, as we never know: "IF TOMORROW COMES".

Don't You Think Sometimes We Bother Too Much On Another's Business?

You may call it 'sharing' or 'being concerned' but perhaps this is 'not our business at all'?...

I used to get myself 'involved' in "talks" about things related to this/that relative;
I used to be 'concerned' over who-&-who;
I used to be 'closed' and often 'sharing' my life with who-&-who - NOT ANYMORE.

By not doing all "used-to's" doesn't make me a self-centered person;
It doesn't make me any difference from who I am.
But on the other hand, it made me a 'free' person; free from unnecessary knowledge, free from unnecessary 'talks'.
And gave me more time to focus on what is most important and what can make my life a more meaningful one.

To us, our 'talks', 'sharings', 'concerns' may be a 'GOSSIP' about another person.
Unless it involves MYSELF (or YOURSELF), else no one actually asked for our 5-cents' worth of comments.

In Chinese, there is a belief: What is the sharpest object in the world?
The answer: A human's tongue; known as a critical weapon.
When used appropriately, a human's tongue brings peace and harmony; creating a HAPPY environment.
When used inappropriately, a human's tongue brings war and unhappiness; creating a CHAOTIC environment.

There are times when our comments is appreciated,
There are many times when it isn't.
There is always a time for everything;
The time to 'talk', the time to 'just-sit-back-&-listen';
And forget-this-not: Whatever that flows out from our tongue always leads to a consequence.

The next time when we receive any updates on another's life,
Step back and think: Is my participation required? Or perhaps I should just 'flush' it away after hearing it. Anyway, who am I to comment further if the whole thing doesn't involve me at all?

Let's lead a peaceful and harmonious life together.

Time Heals

I am gradually getting used to my new HOME.

Of course I still make a point to give dad a call EVERYDAY; but on certain days, i tell myself 'give the old man a break' - but perhaps he doesn't need one? Perhaps he is looking forward to my call?

People says: Time Heals - Yes, indeed. Given appropriate timing, even the worst wound will heal.

Life goes on for all.
Take for instance the H1N1 swine flu outbreak - did it cause any stir in Singaporeans? Initially it may have, but very soon - people goes on with their daily routine as if nothing is really happening. They shop, they club, they enjoy life as if nothing is happening. When have we become so 'READY', so 'ADAPTABLE'... Is this good or is this bad?

Why Am I feeling So Emotional....

We will be officially shifting to Strathmore Ave tomorrow.
I should be feeling excited;
I should be feeling happy ~ but am not.

Why am I feeling so emotional suddenly; sad, sad, sad.
Was sitting on the living sofa after some packing, and tears suddenly rolled down.
Aaron walked over and hugged me in his arms, asking me: what's wrong?ed
I shrugged my shoulder and soon tears flowed down like river.

Ok ~I was sad. The thought of my dad being alone after today.
Ever since mom passed away (last year), I (with Aaron) have been by his side.
Though most of the time we only see and talked in the morning (when I was still working).
Though most of the time we merely talked for less than an hour when dad wakes up to prepare for his nite-driving (after I stopped working, merely a month plus). o

The thought of him coming back in the morning, not 'having' us around.
The thought of him waking up in the afternoon, not 'seeing' me around.
NO ONE except himself - in this house.... simply wet my eyesssssss!!!!!

Aaron consoled: We are still in SG. We are not going away. We are not leaving him at all - It sounds right, it sounds sensible ~ BUT I just can't OFF MY TAP!!!!
SLAP ME LAH!

Ya la, the once-so-rebellious girl everyone once talked about, the girl who once stayed out alone for years - suddenly feeling sad leaving her dad??!!!

Anyway the term "Rebellious" - that was what you all think of me - I AREN'T ONE! I NEVER WAS. Just because no one undertands me, does that make me a rebellious person?

I know dad is happy that I finally found someone (Aaron) who can take care of me.
He; who can shelter me with love, and protect me from danger.

Ok, we will begin our new life as from tomorrow.
We will stay by one another; through Thick-&-Thin, High-&-Low.
As long as we love one another, we can overcome any obstacles.

But I really have to say "Thank You, Dad. For helping us fulfil our dream home".