What Is WRONG?

In her mind, I am 'hard',
In her mind, I am ignorant,
In her mind, I care not, I bother not.

Little does she knows,
Little does ALL knows,
I am no longer - the 'black' one THEY thought so.

The news hit me hard,
As painful as Grandpa's death;
As painful as when Dad leaves for sail.

The 'surface' seems so calm,
The 'inner' was a mess.

No matter how I try, she never believes in me.